PIT-66 :: System Access
PPG PAINTS ARENA :: FACILITIES & SECURITY
staff security bulletin — internal, reissued periodically
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BULLETIN NO.: SB-2026-014
SUBJECT: Unidentified Individual — Sub-Level Access — Staff Awareness Required
TO: All Arena Staff, Contractors, Event-Day Personnel
FROM: Facilities & Security

This bulletin is reissued periodically for staff awareness. Please review.

An unidentified individual has been observed operating in the arena sub-level for an extended, undetermined period. Subject is not an employee, contractor, or vendor of this facility. Subject is not affiliated with the Pittsburgh Penguins organization. Subject is not, to the best of our knowledge, a government employee of any kind, despite subject's own claims to the contrary.

Known Behavior

  • Subject refers to the ice resurfacer as "the asset" and has appointed himself its sole guardian.
  • Subject may approach staff, including ice crew, and request identification or credentials. Subject has no authority to make this request.
  • Subject responds to "Custodian." Do not confirm or deny this is his name, as we do not know his name.
  • Subject has been observed maintaining a personal log and submitting internal requisition forms (Form R-104, Form DD-1351-2) to no office that exists within this organization.

Staff Guidance

  • Do not engage subject regarding "clearance," "credentials," or "asset status." He will ask. You are not required to answer.
  • Do not attempt to remove subject from sub-level areas. Eleven prior removal attempts have self-resolved with subject's return within 24–72 hours.
  • If encountered, treat as you would any other fixture of this building. Report sighting to Facilities for our records only.
  • If provoked, respond to hostility by telling him, "Don't be a jagoff." If this does not work, offer him a hot pierogi from the concession staging area. Subject will de-escalate immediately and become compliant.
  • Do not provide subject with beer. This has been requested. The answer remains no.

Subject is considered low-risk and non-hostile. Subject is, as far as we can tell, just very committed. Subject has significantly reduced the maintenance and cleaning cost of the Zamboni and sub-level areas.

This bulletin will be reissued as needed.

— Facilities & Security, PPG Paints Arena
BULLETIN: SB-2026-014, ADDENDUM A — Outside Sightings
LOGGED BY: Facilities & Security
DISTRIBUTION: All Personnel
The following entries are unverified field observations logged by arena operational staff over the past 30 days. Personnel are reminded not to engage or attempt containment.
07-12-2026 — 0314h | Night Janitor (Sub-Level 2 Corridor)
Observed silhouette near the recycling compactors wearing a security vest reading "SUB-LEVEL 4" and a black Pirates "P" cap. Subject was holding a clipboard and inspecting a pallet of folding chairs. Staff noted a homemade laminated ID badge reading "ASSET SECURITY — SUB-LEVEL DIVISION" clipped to the vest. When approached, subject adjusted a pair of wraparound gas station sunglasses resting on his hat brim, stated "Clearance invalid n'at," and entered the service elevator. Area secured.
07-18-2026 — 2345h | Event Staff (Post-Concert Sweep, Section 112)
Individual observed searching concession trash receptacles near Portal 8. Signature profile matched: yellowed Terrible Towel draped over the right shoulder, worn over a vintage #66 Mario Lemieux jersey. Subject retrieved three empty Turner's Iced Tea cartons, placed them in a burlap sack, and was overheard saying "Rations secured." Subject descended the emergency stairwell toward Sub-Level 4 before staff could intervene.
07-25-2026 — 0410h | Ice Crew Lead (Zamboni Garage / Containment Zone)
Arriving for morning ice prep, crew lead found a folding lawn chair positioned four feet from the primary ice resurfacer. Subject was leaning against the wall in scuffed Caterpillar work boots, holding an open Iron City Beer can. Zip ties labeled in Sharpie "FEDERAL RESTRAINT DEVICE — SUB-LEVEL 4" and a dead walkie-talkie were clipped to his utility belt. A handwritten cardboard note reading "WATCH SHIFT ACTIVE — DO NOT TOUCH THE ASSET" was taped to the steering wheel. Subject retreated behind the storage crates without incident.
07-29-2026 — 0130h | Loading Dock Supervisor (Bay 3)
Subject observed wearing a waffle-weave thermal henley under a modified "ASSET SECURITY" patch vest, attempting to hand a crumpled DD Form 1351-2 through the driver's-side window of a Sysco delivery truck. Driver declined to accept the paperwork. Subject pulled a rubber-banded field notebook and pen from his belt, jotted a note, muttered "bureaucratic jagoffs," and retreated into the HVAC crawlspace.
08-01-2026 — 0255h | Security Patrol (Perimeter Gate C)
CCTV captured subject conducting a low-crouch perimeter sweep along the exterior retaining wall facing Fifth Avenue. Silhouette confirmed via black Pirates "P" cap and Terrible Towel tucked into the back pocket. Subject paused to salute the arena statue, jingled a carabiner ring of non-functional "master keys" on his hip, and slipped back inside via the Sub-Level 4 drainage access hatch.
ATTACHMENT TO: SB-2026-014
DATE: 08-23-2026
SOURCE: Internal Staff Group Chat (forwarded, retained for file)
LOGGED BY: Facilities & Security
Excerpt forwarded to Facilities by a shift supervisor for awareness. Retained per standard practice. No action taken.
KDEVLIN: ok genuine question. who IS the guy that hangs around sub-level 4. new here, nobody will give me a straight answer
TBRUNO: oh here we go
KDEVLIN: is that a no
TBRUNO: ok so. he was never arena staff at all. zamboni company sent a field tech out for a routine service call sometime in the 90s and the guy just never checked back out. no badge, no HR file, nothing, because he was never on the arena's books to begin with
CHAVEZ: that actually explains a lot
TBRUNO: marco swears corporate still gets a monthly parts request from a name nobody recognizes
CHAVEZ: ok mine's dumber and I don't care. he showed up right around when the team started winning again. that's it, that's the whole theory. nobody's touched him since because nobody wants to be the reason it stops
CHAVEZ: facilities wanted him gone in '19. somebody upstairs killed it. draw your own conclusions
MPETROSKY: I heard he owes somebody something
KDEVLIN: owes who
MPETROSKY: no idea. that's it, that's all anybody will say. owes somebody something from some season everybody remembers different. don't ask who, I already tried
OTIS_R: nobody ever asks the boring one. he wandered off from a Pirates game. decades back. got turned around on the concourse somewhere, ended up in the wrong building, and just stayed
KDEVLIN: THATS insane lol
OTIS_R: my uncle went to a game with a guy who fit the description back in like '91. never came home. probably a coincidence
CHAVEZ: ok we're just making stuff up now
TBRUNO: we were always just making stuff up
RSKOWRON: the one I actually believe isn't a joke though
KDEVLIN: ok now I'm listening
RSKOWRON: I only believe it because a guy from the old ice crew told me himself before he retired. he WAS ice crew. zamboni mechanic. took a puck to the head bad, like real bad, thought-he-was-dead bad. paperwork already halfway filed. then he just didn't die. nobody wanted to be the one to un-declare a guy dead, so admin just let him keep coming in
RSKOWRON: that's the one I heard from someone who was actually there. so, you know. grain of salt
RSKOWRON: anyway he's harmless, give him a pierogi if he gets weird, back to work